Not sleeping and PVC's

The last week I haven't been getting my daily dose of restful sleep. I am constantly waking up throughout my sleep period. It's even worse on my days off as I then have to share the bed with my wife (I work midnights)

Now my PVC's (Premature Ventricular Contractions) are flaring up again. I havent been bothered by them in over 6-8 months. PVC's are nothing to be concerned over but it drives you nuts when your heart skips a beat ( actually beats too soon ). I just associate it with my lack of restful sleep. Guess I'm into a hypomania phase right now.

The wife and I are over the inital shock of our last child leaving home and it's actually kind of nice to have the entire house to ourselves. However we are still getting use to the quietness that comes with it.

31 DAYS WITHOUT A CIGARETTE !! (STILL ON THE PATCH)( I start step #2 - 14 mg on 10/31/05)

Being an empty nester ...

It really stinks not having any children in the house for the first time in 24 years.
My son called home today for the first and only time hes allowed to while he's at boot camp. He called to give his mailing address. We tried to talk to him but the DI was in the background yelling at him to get off the phone. They were only allowed to say the mailing address and thats it. We tried to circumvent the process by asking him only yes or no questions but that didn't work either. Our one and only contact with him for the next 6.5 weeks lasted a total of 60 secs. Then he was gone.

Now that we are offical members of the Empty Nest Society(ENS) we are trying to find ways to fill the void in our lives. My wife has chosen to fill this void by talking to me. Not just normal conversational talk, but yaking to me constantly. Like when I'm watching my favorite shows on television. Tonight I missed the plot on CSI Miami because she was talking to me. I was trying to tune her out like I have for the past 25 years, but now my tuner doesn't work. Maybe my son took the batteries with him when he left. All I could hear was her yaking at me. I even asked her to stop. But she couldn't. We ended up laughing at each other about it. I'm going to have to find her a new hobby or I'll end up having to have real conversations with her !

I'm just as bad. I don't know what to do with myself either. I've cooked, cleaned, washed, mowed, burned the trash, took out the garbage, etc. I seem to have boundless energy. I told her I must be going into a bipolar mania phase. The only phase I'm going into is missing my son.

I hope belonging to the ENS isn't going to be painful for much longer. On the postive side, this has really brought my wife and I closer together. We seem to have a special bond- like train wreck survivors!

And for the record- I haven't smoked for 17 days in a row. I can actually breathe better now.

Son preparing to leave home...

My son leaves on 9/10/05 for the Airforce. The last few days we've only seen him for 1/2 days at a time. He's going through the process of saying goodbye to all his close friends. He's hanging out with them, going to movies with them and just visiting them at their homes. I believe he is preparing himself for his soon to be life changing experience. He will never be the same once he leaves for bootcamp.

Our grief as parents is starting to grow a little also as we prepare for the empty nest and our "baby' leaving home. I worried about my wife taking it too hard, but I think its me that will take it the hardest. In private I get all teary-eye just thinking about him leaving. Monday will come too soon.

But as parents we've been through this once before. We gave our oldest son the "leaving to go out into the world' talk. We plan on doing the same with this son also. I feel it gives closeure to this episode in our lives.

We are very excited for him. The world is a large place for a farm boy. Hopefully he will find the Airforce an exciting experience. He's already got the mindset of making it his lifelong career. How many of us at that age could say that. He's very intelligent book wise and we're sure he'll go far.

Now all we have to do is let go.

But thats the hard part isn't it.... I dread Monday but am excited at the same time...

I'm a Non -smoker ..

I can honestly say I feel as I'm a non smoker for the first time in my life. My mental toughness is there !! I keep telling myself I will not smoke. Its been four days now.

The Nicoderm CQ patches are working wonderfully. I have no physical craving for a cigarette. The only mental weakness I have is with doing the things I previously associated with smoking a cigarette.

Driving in the car is the worst. Also when I take the dog outside. It'll probably mess the dog up as she knew once I flicked the cherry of the cigarette it was time to go in. Now I just let her go out all by herself.

The biggest change right now is that I CONSIDER myself a NON-SMOKER and plan to be that way forever. The real test will be when I go back to work after my vacation is over. When I beat that first week back I'll know I've beat the mental aspect of quiting.

Wish me luck....