Wife lost her job !!

My wife came home from work last night and informed me that she has just been laid off.
Not only are the both of us out of a job, but now we have no health insurance at the end of the month.
I haven't a clue how a schizophrenic wife and a bipolar husband are supoose to pay for their drugs. Hopefully I can find another job with health insurance by the middle of Feburary when all our drugs will be gone.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all.

Got insurance !!

Where my wife works they just offered all the employees health insurance. Its a pretty good plan at a reasonable rate. It's 80/20 of first $6,000 and it has the same drug prescription plan that I had at my job that I just lost. So at least we'll be able to afford all our prescription drugs !

I've been applying for jobs online at careerbuilder, monster and hotjobs.com. Doubt anything thing will become of those but you never know.

I'm also hitting the streets for the first time today. Going to put my application and resumes in a few places that will pay enough to support my present life style. I'm even going to apply at an employment agency.

I have to wait until the 15th of Dec. before I can apply for unemployment benefits. I'm also going to look into going to school since they pay for that also. I might consider going for a LPN degree. Always thought I would want to do that after I took care of my father-in-law while he was dying.

But life is full of changes and I get to experience it all first hand. Thank you to everyone that have left comments of encouragements the last few days.

I'll land on my feet. I always do.

Here's an update for you...!!!

Right at the end of my work shift today, I was informed that I no longer have a job ! Merry Christmas to me.

They have been getting rid of salary jobs left and right where I work. Seeing how I was the highest paid Supervisor there it was only a matter of time before my head went on the chopping block.

I've been waiting for it to happen for a long time. It really suks as I had 14years in there and life was good. Don't know what I gonna do now. I dont care about the new home we just built 3 years ago. I don't even really care that I'm out of a job and that I'll probably lose every material thing I have. Its all toys anyhow. I can live anywhere.
My greatest concern is being able to make sure my wife gets her meds and stays out of the hospital. I'll just quit taking mine altogether. I will learn to live without mine.

So when it comes to losing my job my only concern is my wife. Aint I just a great husband or what !!

Merry Christmas to me

Back from San Anonio...

Well we're back from our big trip to San Anotnio, Texas. It was really exciting to see our son again. It's amazing to see the change bootcamp and the military life has made in my son's life. He's really enjoying it. He left from bootcamp right into tech school at Keesler AFB in Mississippi. He's proud to be part of the military and we're proud of him ( and our other son also)
It also brought to mind how much we took our children for granted when they were living at home. It's good to see that they have both grown up as responsible adults.
It was also kind of nice to have nearly the entire family share in my son's graduation. My oldest son, my sister, mother-in-law, my brother and sister-in-law(who live in Ft.Worth/Dallas) were all there to share in the experience. I don't get to see my brother more than a few times a year now that they are Texans.
We saw all the typical tourist traps while in San Antonio. The Alamo, the RiverWalk, the Mission Trail, the AF base and hundreds of stores and shops.The Riverfront mall was nice as far as malls go. I highly recommend eating at Boudro's on the Riverwalk. We had our Thanksgiving dinner together there. A little pricey but it really wasn't that bad considering it was a FOUR course meal.
This was also my wife and I first real airplane ride.All the talk of the busiest day of holiday travel was highly over-rated. We had absolutely no trouble getting in and out of the airports. And yes there was no problems getting all of our crazy meds through security.
We came home exhausted and we left over $1300 in San Antonio. Hope they appreciate it.My son gets to come home in a few weeks for Christmas !
Now that all the excitement is over, I've seemed to have fallen into a deep depression. I know its from being physically tired and I am presently working 12 hr days for the next week to fill in for the guys at work who are now taking their vacations.I wish I would of had a few more days of rest.
I really don't care about anything or anyone at the moment. I don't even care about my job. Good thing I'm a supervisor and don't really have to do any physical work. I can just hide in my office until I'm needed somewhere out on the plant floor.
Oh well, I'll get over it sooner or later. I always do. It was all I could do to type this blog today, but I had people emailing me and leaving post telling me to write an update. So here it is.

Have a great day anyway...

The excitement builds ...

The time is nearly upon us. We fly out Wednesday morning @ 630am to go see our son in the Air Force in San Antonio, Texas. It's going to be a 13hr ordeal just to get there with the drive time to the airports and all the layover time.

We're really excited to find out where he'll be going for his tech school training and where he'll be permantly stationed.

Our son actually wrote us a letter, one full page, front and back on whats happening in boot camp. This kid has NEVER handwritten a letter of any kind. So it was kind of special to get that letter.

We've never flown before so we're pretty excited about that part of the trip also. The only real concern will be taking all of our meds with us. Wait untill the airline inspectors see all the pills we take in a five day period. We're hoping it doesn't cause any problems.It's really kind of embarrassing to even see a 5 day supply of pills altogether.

At least the weather is suppose to be great while we're down there. No rain in the forecast for those five days.

We plan on doing as much sightseeing as possible while we are there. My brother, who lives in Ft. Worth, is driving down to have Thanksgiving dinner with us and go to the graduation events. I haven't seen him in awhile so it will be good to see him and my sister-in-law.

On a side note- how bout them Ohio State Buckeyes !! Beat the team up north in their own house. Go Buks !! It's the greatest rivalry in ALL of college football. Don't even think about leaving me a comment that it isn't. I'll just tell you up front that you are wrong -LOL.

Just wish us luck, that a schizophrenic wife and a bipolar husband(me) make it through airport security alright with all our crazy meds (btw- thats a good website- www.crazymeds.org)

Talk to you all later after the trip...

Son got to call home !

Our son called home from bootcamp. This is the first we've heard from him since he left 32 days ago. He called in the morning but I was on the internet at the time and my callwave took the message. I was only online for 2 mins when he called. I was so angry that I was on the internet when he called that I could have put my fist through the wall. If I only hadn't been online I wouldnt have missed his call !

Boy was I angry at myself all day. I'm sure glad my wife was at work when this happened or she would have been really upset also.

When she came home from work tonight I told her what happened. She was more unhappy that she was at work when he called. I played the recording of his call and it sounded like everything was going well for him. His biggest complaint- he was bored with the daily routine of bootcamp.

About 5 mins after I played the recording, the phone rang. I picked it up and here it was my son on the phone. This time we were both there to hear it. What a joy. My wife picked up the other extension and we both got to talk to him for 5 mins. before they made him hang up.

He said he is excelling in all the physical requirements (pushups, running ,etc.)and about the only thing hes getting yelled at is about how he folds his shirts. ( We could never get him to make his bed when he lived at home ! )

Anyhoo, It was a joy to hear from him. We will be flying down to San Antonio for 5 days starting on the 23rd to see him graduate. We can't wait. We'll even be able to take him out on Thanksgiving day to eat a good meal. I already have the reservations to a restrurant on the River Walk. We are very excited to go down and see him.
Then hes off immediaitely to tech school and we don't when or where we'll be able to see him again.

My wife and I both went to the pdoc. We are doing so well that he doesn't want to see us for another three months. The only trouble I'm having is not getting a good night sleep at times. I him asked to try Lunesta or Ambien. He gave me samples for Lunesta. I took a dose the other day. Didn't do a thing for me. Stuff is junk !. Guess I'll just stay with the Ativan. I'll just take 3mg instead of 2mg when I need it.

41 days without smoking !

Not sleeping and PVC's

The last week I haven't been getting my daily dose of restful sleep. I am constantly waking up throughout my sleep period. It's even worse on my days off as I then have to share the bed with my wife (I work midnights)

Now my PVC's (Premature Ventricular Contractions) are flaring up again. I havent been bothered by them in over 6-8 months. PVC's are nothing to be concerned over but it drives you nuts when your heart skips a beat ( actually beats too soon ). I just associate it with my lack of restful sleep. Guess I'm into a hypomania phase right now.

The wife and I are over the inital shock of our last child leaving home and it's actually kind of nice to have the entire house to ourselves. However we are still getting use to the quietness that comes with it.

31 DAYS WITHOUT A CIGARETTE !! (STILL ON THE PATCH)( I start step #2 - 14 mg on 10/31/05)

Being an empty nester ...

It really stinks not having any children in the house for the first time in 24 years.
My son called home today for the first and only time hes allowed to while he's at boot camp. He called to give his mailing address. We tried to talk to him but the DI was in the background yelling at him to get off the phone. They were only allowed to say the mailing address and thats it. We tried to circumvent the process by asking him only yes or no questions but that didn't work either. Our one and only contact with him for the next 6.5 weeks lasted a total of 60 secs. Then he was gone.

Now that we are offical members of the Empty Nest Society(ENS) we are trying to find ways to fill the void in our lives. My wife has chosen to fill this void by talking to me. Not just normal conversational talk, but yaking to me constantly. Like when I'm watching my favorite shows on television. Tonight I missed the plot on CSI Miami because she was talking to me. I was trying to tune her out like I have for the past 25 years, but now my tuner doesn't work. Maybe my son took the batteries with him when he left. All I could hear was her yaking at me. I even asked her to stop. But she couldn't. We ended up laughing at each other about it. I'm going to have to find her a new hobby or I'll end up having to have real conversations with her !

I'm just as bad. I don't know what to do with myself either. I've cooked, cleaned, washed, mowed, burned the trash, took out the garbage, etc. I seem to have boundless energy. I told her I must be going into a bipolar mania phase. The only phase I'm going into is missing my son.

I hope belonging to the ENS isn't going to be painful for much longer. On the postive side, this has really brought my wife and I closer together. We seem to have a special bond- like train wreck survivors!

And for the record- I haven't smoked for 17 days in a row. I can actually breathe better now.

Son preparing to leave home...

My son leaves on 9/10/05 for the Airforce. The last few days we've only seen him for 1/2 days at a time. He's going through the process of saying goodbye to all his close friends. He's hanging out with them, going to movies with them and just visiting them at their homes. I believe he is preparing himself for his soon to be life changing experience. He will never be the same once he leaves for bootcamp.

Our grief as parents is starting to grow a little also as we prepare for the empty nest and our "baby' leaving home. I worried about my wife taking it too hard, but I think its me that will take it the hardest. In private I get all teary-eye just thinking about him leaving. Monday will come too soon.

But as parents we've been through this once before. We gave our oldest son the "leaving to go out into the world' talk. We plan on doing the same with this son also. I feel it gives closeure to this episode in our lives.

We are very excited for him. The world is a large place for a farm boy. Hopefully he will find the Airforce an exciting experience. He's already got the mindset of making it his lifelong career. How many of us at that age could say that. He's very intelligent book wise and we're sure he'll go far.

Now all we have to do is let go.

But thats the hard part isn't it.... I dread Monday but am excited at the same time...

I'm a Non -smoker ..

I can honestly say I feel as I'm a non smoker for the first time in my life. My mental toughness is there !! I keep telling myself I will not smoke. Its been four days now.

The Nicoderm CQ patches are working wonderfully. I have no physical craving for a cigarette. The only mental weakness I have is with doing the things I previously associated with smoking a cigarette.

Driving in the car is the worst. Also when I take the dog outside. It'll probably mess the dog up as she knew once I flicked the cherry of the cigarette it was time to go in. Now I just let her go out all by herself.

The biggest change right now is that I CONSIDER myself a NON-SMOKER and plan to be that way forever. The real test will be when I go back to work after my vacation is over. When I beat that first week back I'll know I've beat the mental aspect of quiting.

Wish me luck....

eBay,Satellite Internet, and Smoking ...

Just started selling items for people on eBay again. I'm a trading assistant and at one time was an ebay Powerseller. Since summer is winding down, I now have time to start selling for others. It's amazing how many things I can sell once I announce I'm in business again. I have some big ticket items to sell for others this time so I should make some decent money for my time. eBay is really just a hobby for me, I don't overcharge for my services (which really means I don't make squat for the time I put into it)I really enjoy watching the items I list sell for lots of money.

Once of the things that really suk about being online is my internet connection. I live in a very rural area and my phone lines just plain suk . I'm lucky if I hook up to the net at a speed of more than 26k. What I wouldnt give for satelitte internet.

Now that brings up a good thing. I'm about to quit smoking again ( I know, you've already heard that before !) But this time I am serious. I'm getting more afraid of getting lung cancer. That should be a good enough reason to quit. But my wife sweetened the pot even more. As an added bonus of quiting, my wife said that if I can stay off the smokes forever, that after I've really quit for over 2 months that she will let me buy satelitte internet ! (its only $25 more a month than what I'm paying for dial-up). That really has got me excited. It really suks to surf the net at home or even think about downlaoding or uploading anything. At least the satellite connection will be super fast ! That will help me with my ebay selling, my home business site and even this stupid blog I have going here.
Now I'm really motivated to quit smoking for good. My quit date is now offically 9/30/05 . I start my 12 day vacation then. I will be away from others that smoke the entire time. We stopped at WalMart yesterday and I bought the nicotine patch program. I've also been taking Welbutrin for about 2 weeks in prepartion for the smoking cessation start date. My wife had a bottle of Welbutrin laying around that she used to take. I'm not on any antidepressant myself other than Lamicatal. I'm doing this without my pdocs knowledge. I'll mention to him when I see him in two months. However I dont think there is that many pills so it wont really matter. With the Welbutrin and the patch I should have a better than average chance of beating this nasty habit. I really BELIEVE I can do it this time.

I think even my wife believes I will quit this time also. I will NOT diappoint her for the 1000th time anymore. I WILL BE SMOKE FREE !! (I want satellite internet to go along with my satelite TV)

Empty Nester...

In just 3 short weeks my wife and I will be experiencing the empty-nest syndrome. My son has joined the Airforce and will be leaving for bootcamp the second week of October. I can't believe we've gotten that "old" that fast (43).

It was really strange that we didnt have to buy school clothes and all the other stuff that goes with it. It's weird now to even see "Back to School" commercials on t.v.

Our oldest son left home over 4 years ago. Now the last of the two is ready to fly the coup.

It's really going to suck in a selfish way. Now I have to burn the trash, take out the garbage, feed the dog, do the dishes, etc. I think we need to adopt another teenager !

Hopefully he will be stationed somewhere within driving distance to us and not half way across the USA. We're excited for him and I think he's ready to start this new adventure.

I'm going to do what I've been promising to do all these years, when the last kid left- sit around the house all day in my underwear !! And we're going to find out if our kitchen table will hold us. And we're going to travel around a bit more as time allows. And we're going to Disney World (not reallly).

But probably we'll just sit around and cry and whine about how quiet the house is for the first time in 24 years. With our baby leaving I know its going to be emotional when we drop him off at the recruiters office and turn him over to the government. Hopefully we make it through that moment without embarrasing ourselves.

But in the mean time, I going to make him do all that stuff I'm going to be stuck with in 3 weeks !! My last bit of revenge.

Hypomania ...

For the last few days I been in a pretty severe case of hypomania. I've really been hyper, have not been sleeping as well and have been getting alot done around the house.

I just don't know what to do with myself. On the negative side, I'm smoking twice as much. Not good considering I'm still thinking about quiting.

It's been awhile since I've been like this so I'm not too concerned about it. Maybe I wont just sit around doing nothing like I usually do. I plan on using this boundless (but irritating)energy to my advantage.

Today I power sprayed the inside of the garage, the entire outside of the house and mowed the front yard. Thats a ton more work than I would have accomplished in any given day.

On Friday I have a dentist appointment. Not looking forward to that at all. I have to have an old filling drilled out and replaced. I've been able to "taste" my filling for quite awhile plus I can't chew down on that side of my jaw. Dr. says that saliva is getting into the filling and tooth and thus the taste in my mouth.

Admitting you need help...

From www.mcmanweb.com (one of my favorite Bipolar websites)

The toughest challenge on the road to recovery is probably the first - that of admitting you need help. If you’re depressed, the guilt that may be a part of your illness may tell you that you don’t want to burden your loved ones, or that you don’t have a real illness worthy of medical attention. If you're hypomanic, the problem lies in the rest of the world and not you, and in mania you are beyond reason.

Then there’s the old denial factor. Who, after all, wants to admit they’re crazy? Who wants to own up to the stigma and the shame? Typically, it is only when we run out of options (and excuses) that we seek help. The best authorities on this are my own readers:

“What caused me to seek help?” writes Bill. “Almost losing my job and my wife.”

For most people, their default first port of call is their primary care physician. By far more prescriptions for antidepressants are written by this branch of the medical profession than by psychiatrists, often to people who insist on going to specialists and get expert lab work done for every other aspect of their health. Unfortunately, in a routine physical exam there is no time for more than a few cursory questions.

A 2001 UCLA study found that only 19 percent of a sample of depressed or anxious people they surveyed received appropriate treatment from their primary care physician. By contrast, 90 percent of those who saw a mental health specialist got proper care.

Unfortunately, for suicidally-depressed patients and floridly manic or psychotic patients, one's first contact with a psychiatrist is usually via the emergency room and a locked ward. Don’t be frightened by the prospect of being a prisoner. In all US jurisdictions, there are strict limits on involuntary commitment (generally only if you pose a risk to yourself or others), and it’s frightening how fast you’re no longer considered a danger when your insurance runs out after two days.

Those with premium health coverage are often encouraged to remain as inpatients for 30 days before they, too, find themselves miraculously recovered and sent out the door.

Hospital day programs may take up the slack, but again patients receive a clean bill of health the day their insurance runs out. Thereafter, psychiatric and talking therapy treatment is on an outpatient basis - that is until the next life-threatening crisis occurs.

Those who suspect they may have a mental illness are encouraged to make an appointment with a psychiatrist or talking therapist. A psychiatrist is an MD who has completed a three or four-year psychiatric residency. Emphasis is on on-the-job training rather than a formal curriculum. A psychiatrist is qualified to practice medicine and is authorized to prescribe medications, but there is no separate license to practice psychiatry. Psychiatrists, like other medical doctors, are answerable to state licensing boards for ethical violations and bad medical practice, but in practice this tends to be the psychiatrist’s word against the patient’s.

Psychologists are PhDs or PsyDs who have completed six or seven years in a doctoral program, comprising both a formal curriculum and supervised clinical work. They specialize in any of the hundreds of forms of talking therapy and (except in the state of New Mexico and Louisiana after taking additional training) are not licensed to prescribe meds. Psychologists are licensed and disciplined by state boards.

Counselors, therapists, and specialized social workers are generally people with master’s degrees (MA, MS, or MSW) and two or more years of clinical experience. Licensing varies from state to state.

Some psychiatrists also do talking therapy, but even the most meds-oriented psychiatrist needs to be a skilled talker and listener, as his or her knowledge of your illness is only as good as what you tell him or her. Because neither depression nor bipolar disorder leave a readily identifiable biological marker that can be spotted in a lab test, blood sample, or brain scan, a psychiatrist is largely dependent on what you say. Under ideal conditions, an insightful practitioner can elicit all the necessary information from you to make a precise diagnosis and initiate the type of treatment most likely to work for you. But in practice, for patients with bipolar disorder, it takes many years and a succession of doctors to figure out what is wrong. The onus, then, is very much on you to get your story right, which is not always the easiest thing to do while in the throes of a killer depression or out-of-control mania.

I find myself suggesting to readers who have contacted me to put their concerns in writing before their initial or next visit, for, if nothing else, this is a good way to organize your thoughts. Think of those times you felt depressed and write down what it felt like. Did something bring it on - say a relationship breakup - or did it seem to occur out of the blue? Did you feel like you couldn’t go on living? Did you entertain thoughts of suicide? Did you feel like you couldn’t get out of bed? Or, just the opposite, maybe you couldn’t get to sleep. Are you eating more or less? Not feeling your usual self? What’s different? Are you doing a great acting job hiding your distress from your friends and family and colleagues, or do they think you’re acting a bit out of character, too? Are your work and family and personal relationships feeling the strain? Provide details. Are you less patient with people lately? Short-tempered, angry, aggressive? Or perhaps the very opposite, submissive, guilt-ridden, and ready to give up without a fight. How long has this been going on? Have you felt like this at other times in your life?

A good psychiatrist will be asking these questions, but you can save both of you a lot of time and effort if you have your answers ready. Your psychiatrist will also probe for personal and family history, looking for more clues. Now is hardly the time to talk at length about past trauma and abuse, as this may destabilize some patients at their most vulnerable. It is essential, however, to inform your psychiatrist whether you are a survivor of trauma or abuse, as this can have a bearing on your treatment. Later on, in talking therapy, you can try to resolve trauma and abuse issues.

You will also want to write down what it feels like to be normal. If normal for you is feeling constantly depressed, that’s a very good clue. Also try to recall what it’s like feeling happy. Some people may have felt a little too happy in the past, which may be the only way your psychiatrist may suspect you have bipolar disorder.

Many people suspect they have bipolar disorder long before they see a psychiatrist. But even people who merely think they have depression need to focus on all those times they didn't feel their normal selves or felt too much like their normal selves. You might want to go back over those times in your life you would rather forget - such as embarrassing yourself in public or attacking your spouse or walking off your job or getting arrested - or where you were unusually productive - working 20-hour days, cleaning the house in the middle of the night, writing a term paper in three hours - and try to remember what you were feeling during the time and the times that led up to these events. If you felt you were smarter than the rest of the world, describe it. If you were in a raging white heat, fill in the details.

Admitting that there may be something wrong with you is one of the most difficult tasks there is. Add to that fear and ignorance and stigma, and you begin to appreciate why so few people seek help or get a correct diagnosis.

When I ask psychiatrists what they find works best in treating patients, many reply establishing a trusting relationship with the patient. These are the psychiatrists I would hire.

Without this trust, those degrees on the wall aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on. Your end of the bargain is to keep your psychiatrist fully informed and to stay on your meds and other treatments. His or her end of the bargain is to be there for you in a crisis day or night and work with you in getting well and staying well. If your meds aren’t working or you are experiencing bad side effects, you inform your psychiatrist rather than simply quit the drugs on your own. Together, the two of you can work on new doses and/or new meds. If he or she suggests adding a new med to your cocktail, by the same token, you should expect to be informed of the risks and side effects as well as the benefits. If you object to that med, he or she should respect your judgment. And on and on it goes, mutual trust and respect.

Sometimes, though, achieving a good working relationship may involve auditioning more than one psychiatrist. Writes Melissa:

"I went through 10 psychiatrists in one year until I found one able to call down to rock bottom and tell me the footholds up. That was luck. Otherwise I'd be sitting in front of television waiting for the next meal, the sound of doors locking behind me."

Misty, who replaced a psychiatrist she had a bad experience with another who was “who was very good, nice, knowledgeable, and didn't pry into things that weren't his business,” advises, “don't be afraid to fire a bad doc.” Amen to that.

The Death Test...

I guess I'm to live to be 76 yrs old and die of cancer. At least thats what this online test says
Death Test

Sex, Drugs and No Rock and Roll ...

The thing I hate the most about my med cocktail is the effect on the sexual part of my being. I believe it is the Risperdal that is the main culprit.

My mind is willing, but with the mutted BIG "O" it almost makes it a waste of time for me. But just being together with my wife is what counts I guess. I dont worry about the diminished "O" that much because the making love part is better than the actual act itself. The drugs dont effect the sensitivity of touch, smell or the emotion of two people sharing a private moment together behind closed doors.

We've discusses taking a drug holiday before to see what happens. I have no problem doing this myself but my wife needs her drug regiment with her schizophrenia. I'm afraid for her to go off her meds at all due the her recent hospitalization. So we won't go down that road.

So I guess in order to function properly in life we must have to sacrifice other things in our life. I just wish it wasn't sexual pleasure ! But we know that at this point its a problem that we dont need to get too upset about...

Feeling so good that....

I've reached a point now in my treatment that I'm sure everyone in my situation has experienced... Do I really need to be on these drugs ?

I feel so good right now I am questioning the need to be on any drugs at all. Maybe I'm not even Bipolar. Maybe I was just going through a rough time in my life.

But in reality, I know it's the drugs that have gotten me to this point of feeling this good. I've done enough research to know that I would reach this point in my life. I also know it would be pure foolishness to stop my drug regiment.

It's funny that I've reached this point. I don't think there is an article about Bipolar on the internet that I haven't read. I believe I've read 25-50 blogs about Bipolar illness. All of them lead to the same conclusion... Meds do work, and don't stop taking them just because you feel good. I don't want to go back into a mania where I don't sleep or feel bad so I'll guess I'll do the smart thing and keeping swallowing all the pills...

Mail Order Drugs...Risperdal Lamictal, Ativan, Klonopin, Cogentin

Today we received in the mail, my wife's and I prescription drugs for the next 3 months. It cost me $150. That is not bad considering the drugs cost over $750 in real cost. Once again- thank the Lord that I have good health insurance and a drug card.

When I opened the huge mailing bag, it made me sick to see all the drugs and bottles contained within. If I didn't, (and wife wife didn't) really need these drugs to live a functioning life, I would have thrown them all away. It just looked disgusting to see all those pills. I can't believe we have to take all those.
In the bag: Risperdal, Lamictal, Ativan, Klonopin,and Cogentin. All in large bottles, which is stupid as most only had 90 small pills in each. What a waste of plastic.

My wife and I are very med compliant, we take all our drugs are prescribed. The best thing is that they all work. I could probably quit mine and survive and just go back to not sleeping and being in a mania and depressive state. However my wife really needs hers and would once again end up in the hospital pschy ward without them.

I guess its health through pharmacology ! I have no problem with that. Other than the fact it cost me $50 per month for drugs.

To all of you who are on my case for starting smoking again- THANKS. Not only does my wife yell at me about smoking now I have "cyber wives" yelling at me. I hope to try to quit smoking again here in the very near future, maybe in the next week or two. We'll see how it goes.

Don't feel like writing...

I've worked 76 hrs of overtime in approx 2 weeks. I'm tired, my mind is mush. I haven't fallen into a hypomanic state, but rather a depression. I simply am just tired, so maybe its just not depression.

I don't feel like blogging at all right now, so I won't......

Fell off the wagon

Well it happened. I feel off the no smoking wagon. I started smoking again. I'm just like that cartoon commerical with the guy that climbs the line and fall back again.
I'm ready to give it a try again as soon as I'm done working all this overtime at the end of the month.